Notes From The Field

Choosing Positivity, Gratitude & Connection versus Negativity, Divide & Polarization

Protestors with a sign saying 'totally justified outrage'.

2025 feels like a page has been turned.

2024 was challenging in so many ways, and when I look back, I can feel the heaviness, the hard work and even the despair of it all. Working in conflict and high stakes situations, there were days I felt like it might not be worth it or that change was so far away it would be too much effort to achieve.

In 2025 I am consciously choosing to be present with intention, possibility and an open heart. I am choosing to affect positive change within my sphere of influence, with the people, organizations and communities I work and live and interact with.

I recently read some research about how talking with others about negative things increases connection – we feel seen, heard, supported and like we are in the same group. It can strengthen relationships and grow rapport. However, when we base our interactions on negativity and what isn’t working or feels bad, we put a lot of effort and energy into emotions that can drag us under and increase the emotions of fear, sadness, anxiety and anger. We can also increase the intensity of the emotions we are sharing with others, transferring or sharing the energy, since emotion is contagious.

That means we can get stuck there. And our relationships can get stuck there too – our patterns of interaction can become all about negativity rather than problem solving, creativity or innovation. Dr. Ethan Ross, a Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of Michigan is an expert in “chatter” (the voice in our heads) and emotional regulation, and he has found that “Many people think that verbally (or text) venting to others makes us feel better. The data say that venting makes social bonds stronger, but also makes both the complainer and the person listening much more unhappy & amplifies negative emotions for both parties. Basically, venting is counterproductive if your goal is to feel better.”

Being conscious and aware about the energy we expend and what we focus on can allow us to make different choices. And since more than ever we are facing polarization, conflict and a great divide, we need to be thoughtful with our choices and our focus.

One of my favourite writings to refer to when I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders is the beautiful letter by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes We were made for these times.

In it she says (these are excerpts):

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.
Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.
In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.
We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear.
Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.
What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.
One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

Drawing inspiration and solace from We were made for these times, here are a few things you can do to build positive energy, possibility and contribute to creative problem solving in challenging times (instead of bonding with others over what is wrong with the world.)

Choose gratitude.

Research shows that a regular practise of gratitude Improves the way you look at the world, and your overall outlook on life, contributing to happiness. Research in Positive Psychology demonstrates that intentional activities related to gratitude contribute up to 40% of our happiness. And gratitude studies have also shown the practice increases our longevity. We can implement a gratitude practice for ourselves through journalling, reflection and being present. We can intentionally Interact with others with a focus on gratitude and ask questions like “What was the best part of your day?” “What do you love about your work, community or this place?” “What is something you want more of?”

Look for wonder and awe.

Research by University of California, Berkely Psychology Professor Dacher Kelter in his book Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life shows that cultivating an awe mindset can change people and society for the better. Since we need all the positive energy we can get in the world right now, take a moment each day to be fully present and notice the world around you. How beautiful is the sunrise? How did your partner get all those laugh lines on their face that make them so dear to you? Do you hear children laughing in the field behind your house? Are the birds singing? Awe and wonder remind us of how big and beautiful the world is and open us up to connecting to something larger than we are. All it takes is a little time and slowing down.

Celebrate the good things.

We’ve got a jar on our kitchen counter with a pile sticky notes and a pen beside it. Into it, we each write down the wonderful moments of our lives – the things we notice, that move us, make us laugh, bring us joy. They can be big momentous things like birthdays or trips, or small moments or situations, like a bird song, or how awful and wonderful the first cold water swim of the year felt. At the end of the year, we pull all the sticky notes out and are amazed at the moments that made up our year. It becomes a celebration of good. We can do it at work – I’m working with an organization right now that has identified “Celebrate wins – have employees celebrate successes in an online platform” as a priority and one small way of shifting a culture focused on negativity to one of positivity. We can do it with community by asking appreciative questions about what is working, what they want more of, what they appreciate and what to grow.

Shift from what isn’t working to how you can be part of solving problems.

If you can build your awareness and notice when you start to sink under or participate in patterns of negativity, you can consciously shift your focus. Sometimes we all need a shoulder to lean on, or to get those tough emotions out so we can make sense of them, or ask for help when we are struggling so someone can support us in our pain. Venting and being seen are something we all need once in a while. The biggest test of your self-awareness is what you do once you've vented. Can you notice when you've released and it is time to shift? Can you feel yourself covering the same ground again? Can you ask yourself now what? All those feelings matter and what are they pointing you to? What action will you take? How will you make something different? Even just being aware enough to know when it is time to stop dwelling and ruminating on the negativity and take a break can be enough to create a pause that allows you to move forward.

Look for places and people where YOU can make positive change in small ways around you.

Transformation and change doesn’t happen overnight. It comes in the good work, the step-by-step acts of showing up, choosing integrity over self-interest, courage over fear, compassion over disinterest, humility over certainty. It comes in small acts of kindness, in staying with the discomfort of a tough conversation, in confronting your own challenges in talking to others who think differently than you do and doing it with curiosity and an open heart. I can’t change how leaders of nations speak to each other, but I can change how I speak with members of my community, no matter their views. I can't personally house everyone without a home, but I can contribute to organizations that affect change and work with neighbours and others to make everyone welcome in my community. Choose issues, situations, people and moments where you can make a difference by raising your voice, taking action, contributing, rather than wishful thinking or "thoughts and prayers" or posting on social media. Those things might make us feel better in the moment, but they most often don't change much.